ESCAPE

Here I sit, all alone late at night and delirious from lack of sleep, and I'm just happy to be exactly where I am. I feel like the last several years of my life have been one long lesson about how the grass is NOT actually greener over there...wherever there might happen to be...and how I need to appreciate whatever good stuff there might be wherever I am.


And, right now, that is coming very easily to me.

I'm in Las Vegas, where - far away from the Strip - there is pretty landscaping everywhere and the traffic's not bad. The sun's been shining AND we have even been blessed with a minor cool spell...it's in the nineties rather than over a hundred. I can handle the nineties. I'm USED to the nineties.

I ran around all day, doing errands, went out to lunch with my mother and her sister. But the next 3 days are pure vacation. I'm going to drift on a raft in a pretty pool in the afternoons and go out to dinner Friday and Saturday night with my daughter and 3 nephews. Other than that, I'm just going to relax in my aunt's lovely apartment and visit with her and her children, as they drop by. Eat when I feel like it, nap if I feel like it.

I still have to do everything for my mother that I did back in Louisiana, but I am so much laid back here, it doesn't feel nearly so overwhelming.

I'm seriously just reveling in my location.

The last few days before we left were just brutal. I finished by pulling an all nighter. I got done with the house just before daylight and had the car loaded by 7 a.m., by which time I could barely move. I was rearranging suitcases and the wheelchair for literally hours before I had everything fit in. After showering and getting ready, I went to get my mother up and get her ready.

I had booked a room across from the New Orleans airport. Check out was at noon, we checked in at 10 a.m., and I had to pull over and take a 10 minute nap on the way over. They wouldn't give me a late checkout, so I had a two hour nap then ran around town until it was time to get to the airport. I left the car there and will pick it up in about 10 days to drive it back to Carson City. No auto transport company would take it filled with all the stuff we're hauling back here.

In the time before going to the airport, I managed to cross the river and obtain one more crucial document in our quest to get Italian passports. I struck out with another, but there's still a slim ray of hope we can find it elsewhere. And I was amazed I was able to get the one that I did.

I fell asleep as soon as the plane took off, and didn't wake until about a half-hour before landing. It was then, looking out at the clouds, that it finally hit me.

I had gotten away.

I had escaped my least favorite location, and if I have any control whatsoever over where I go in the future, I will not willingly go back there.

And not only that, but my first stop was the best of the last few places I'd lived. I was thrilled to be back. Vegas certainly has its share of drawbacks, but none of them are currently affecting me. I am soooo very grateful to be here.

But I had been so busy finishing everything I needed to do before i left, that I hadn't given a whole lot of thought to where I was going. And looking out at the clouds from the plane's window, I just felt filled with joy and excitement as I thought about where I was going and the fact that I didn't have to return to where I'd come from...except to pick up the car and drive it back.

I have to stop now, because I am literally dozing off as I type. But I am so happy right now. The last time I was this happy was the last time I moved here, right after my mother's stroke when I moved in with my daughter. I went from there to Carson City to stay with my mother and sister, until I moved my mother back to Louisiana...never dreaming I'd be there for so long.

Now we're working our way back in reverse order, from Louisiana to Las Vegas, back to Carson City. One of the things I do have to do while I'm here is personally check out some assisted living places. Because, if we get our wishes, my sister and I will bring our mother back here to get settled into one before taking off to see the world. So, ideally, we'll take one more trip here..and then off we go.

Location, location, location. I can adapt pretty easily to almost anywhere I happen to be, but I am very grateful to be where I am right now. My aunt's son dropped by tonight and he loved living where I just left. So it's all a matter of personal preference.

But I am so happy to be right here, right now.

Really gotta get to bed now, though.

Allllmost outta here

I've got so much to do in the next 3 days, my head should be spinning around. I don't know if I'll get it all done, almost certainly not to the standard I'd like. And, since I've been here for about 9 months, I should probably be ashamed of my procrastination.


But, you know what? I've been doing what we were willing to pay someone a salary plus room and board for the past 9 months. So if I didn't accomplish everything I would have liked to on top of that, I'm not going to feel bad about it. Plus, I've probably reached the point where I'm ready to just say F*** it! I don't even care any more.


Particularly since most of what I'm not doing that well with doesn't really affect me all that much. Selfish? Maybe. But, again, I. Just. Don't. Care.


Because...soon...I am SO outta here.


For those who haven't been following along, I've been living in the town where I grew up and taking care of my elderly stroke victimised mother. Since my mother isn't actually bedridden, the location has been way more grim than the duties. This is the town I left the day after I graduated from high school and never had much desire to return to. And I can't believe I've been here for 9 freaking months.


It hasn't been actively horrible, since I've mostly stayed holed up in the house and had fairly regular biweekly overnight stays in New Orleans. However, most of the visits to New Orleans did not consist of much more than quick family visits, movies and cheap eats. Still, it was an extremely welcome change of scene. And, fortunately, I have an EXTREMELY high tolerance for staying holed up.


In the same vein, I'll be relocating to Carson City for what will hopefully be no longer than a few months. That place was never even close to the top of the list of places I'd choose to live, but it's got this place beat by miles and I can't tell you how I am looking forward to being there. Plus, my sister is there, and we're both looking forward to having fun together again. 


Still, my stay here was supposed to be only for a few months and it turned into almost a year. Seriously, I am appalled when I think about it. Seems like such an awful waste of time. 

Sigh. 

It wasn't really. My mother got to see her family over an extended period of time, which she thoroughly enjoyed. One of her sisters actually died a few weeks ago, so it was very providential that we were here. We spent many days at the hospital leading up to the final days.


Anyway, best case scenario is we hit a beach destination wedding mid-October, return to Las Vegas to get Mom all settled into an assisted living facility, then my sister and I take off for a couple of months starting in Sicily to search for family documents that will help in our pursuit of Italian passports.


Well, a girl can dream.


Some of what I have to do tomorrow and Monday is chase down local documents before I leave. I did some of that today, which included a 2 hour round trip drive. I really wish I would have tackled this much earlier. It probably would have made my stay here much more interesting, as would have studying Italian. But I have been tired the whole time I've been living here.


Part of that was maybe mild depression, but the other part - the major part, I'm sure - was having a monitor in my room. I'm an extremely light sleeper and my mother tends to talk in her sleep. I'm not a very high energy person to begin with, so living for several months with sleep issues has really drained me.


Well, now, I think that's enough whining.


I'm LEAVING! And that is cause for celebration. I am so grateful to put a period to this phase of my life that, in spite of all I have to do from now until Tuesday, I actually feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. And, even though I've got a few months in a relatively unexciting place, it happens to be very exciting compared to here. 

Boy, nothing like experiencing worse to make you appreciate the not so bad, huh?


And a handful of days in Las Vegas on the way will be very welcome, too. Which reminds me that I lived there several years while wishing I could live elsewhere. Little did I imagine there would come a time when I would have shot off a few toes to have been able to spend 18 months more in Las Vegas instead of the time I spent here and in Carson City...if I could have chosen which toes.


Anybody seeing a pattern here? Major grass is greener syndrome. And don't think I haven't realized this. I have gone to sleep here at night being grateful for my soft bed and the nice roof over my head. Because, as much as I didn't want to be here, I am well aware that there are much worse situations than my own. 

Of course, that doesn't stop me from hoping that I'm working my way back to where I can start from scratch again and actually be in places of my own choosing than those determined by circumstances beyond my control.


But, whatever, I've learned to be grateful for ANY blessings. And getting to leave here is a major one.


Outta here. Soon.