Life Changing Choices

Once again, I am reminded of the fact that life is basically a series of choices. While there are so many things we have absolutely no control over, we usually have total control over how we choose to deal with them. At the same time, though, one choice will often lead to the necessity of making other choices. And on and on and on...

Many times, the choices we make are regarding such small matters that we barely realize we are making them. Sometimes small choices lead to larger, more important, issues we didn't foresee. Other times, we are reacting to large, unexpected events and things move so fast that we don't see how all the decisions we made brought us to a certain point until we look back.

Right now, I've got a few major changes in my life. One is a result of choices I made in the past, another is a result of my reacting to something that was completely beyond my control. But they are both having major impact on my daily life. The third is slightly less immediate, but the most all encompassing.

First, the diet. I chose to smoke for decades. I chose to quit a few years ago. When I quit smoking, I was not eating very healthily, nor was I getting any exercise whatsoever. All of those things were completely within my control. They were choices I was making on a daily basis: whether to smoke, what to eat, exercise or not.

Because of my choices, I gained a lot of weight. I've tried various diets and exercise in the last few years and never had any lasting success. So I chose to seek help, take pills and get vitamin shots. But every day, I am choosing what to eat, trying to develop a habit of good portion control. In spite of a couple of minor splurges, I am finding success with this method.

I planned to begin exercising in the form of martial arts classes, but that is not happening. I don't know if it will. I do want to become a lot more fit, even if I end up losing all of the weight I want to lose. So the motivation is there...just not, apparently, to the point where I choose to take action.

Still, every day, all day long, I am making conscious and deliberate decisions about what I eat. It's taking a lot more effort than the way I have ever approached food in the past. It is a very significant change in my daily life. But is one that I have complete control over. How successful I am is completely up to me.

The second life changing event I am currently dealing with happened very fast and unexpectedly. And it was all about reacting to a situation that was not only completely beyond my control, but actually had very little to do with me...until I thrust myself into it.

7 year old was not doing at all well in her new school near New Orleans. When she moved there in late November, she was an excellent student. By the beginning of April, her new teachers were talking about holding her back. She had been placed in a remedial reading class, and was not doing well in math or science.

Now, this is a child that was thrilled to learn how to read, because she loves books and stories. And when she spent a couple of months with me last summer, she enjoyed solving problems in the math workbook I'd bought for her to keep in practice. She actually likes math.

She is also very mature for her age, as an only child tends to be. For all kinds of reasons, I did not think it was in her best interests to be kept back.

Some people may think that it was moving in the middle of the school year that was the problem and, in a way, that it is true. But not because the move itself was traumatic. She liked where she was and, as is the way in our family, she'd been moved around plenty in the past. She's outgoing, makes friends and adapts very easily. But there was a major difference between the school she left and the new one she started.

We aren't sure if it was because she'd only had half-day kindergarten here, while they'd had a full day. Maybe those students started first grade already ahead of where she did and she was just not able to catch up. Maybe they just had such a different method of teaching that it just didn't click with her. We really have no idea. But, whatever the reason, it obviously wasn't working for her.

There were options, a few of them that we could think of. The best one, we all felt, was for her to return to the school where she started the school year. Everything would be familiar and she could just concentrate on the work she had to do in order to progress to 2nd grade. I offered to care for her during that time. It was only a matter of 7 weeks.

Problem was, I wasn't living in the right school zone.

In less than a week, I'd moved into an apartment in the same complex 7 year old had lived while she was here, gotten a new driver's license, registered her for school and picked her up at the airport. Suddenly, I had become sole caregiver - including legal temporary guardian - of a young child.

It was all my choice, I'd come up with the idea and volunteered. But it has been many, many years since I've been in this situation. And this child is in no way similar to the two I raised. She's got way more energy, for one thing, and that demands a physical outlet.

When she lived here before, her apartment was ideally located to meet her friends and play safely for hours without having to go near a parking lot, much less a road. Our apartment now is located right next to the back gate of the complex. This means that I need to go with her to the area where she and her friends play.

Fortunately, there is a nice little pavilion, where I can read or take my computer. And it's probably good for me to get out in the fresh air for at least an hour a day. It's also good exercise, since I walk while she takes her scooter.

It's just not something I feel like doing every day.

But, if I don't, she's bouncing off the walls a little bit. Luckily, we've got a bit of space for her to do that. Although I was able to find an apartment manager nice enough to rent me a place for just a couple of months, there were no short term furnished places available in the area I needed to live. So we ended up in an unfurnished apartment.

I could have rented furniture, but it just didn't seem worth the trouble. I bought an airbed, picked up a couple of chairs and a tray table to eat on, and the minimum in the way of kitchen ware. Of course, I have my computer/wire shelves/desk chair setup. But the whole living area is empty, so she can - literally - turn cartwheels if she likes. And she often does.

Due to various circumstances over the years, we've often found ourselves in these types of situations. Kind of camping out, while waiting for our furniture to arrive. Never for quite this long, a several week period. But time flies, and we're pretty comfortable.

And 7 year old is bringing home A grades again. So it's definitely worth it.

Now, although both of those situations are having a huge impact on my daily life, they are both relatively short term.

The diet program is not expected to go on much longer than a couple of months more. The school year ends June 3rd, although I had planned to take 7 year old for a couple of months again this summer. So I may have her through the 1st week in August. The question is where?

I've made some tentative plans. My lease here is up June 9. I thought we'd drive up to Carson City and spend a couple of weeks with my sister and my mother. That way, my sister could take a break during the one long weekend she gets once a month from her work, and my mother could spend some quality time with 7 year old.

Then, I thought, we could drive to New Orleans so 7 year old could be reunited with her mother and her dog for a bit before I took her back to the beach where we spent last summer. The thing is, 7 year old is not nearly used to taking the long road trips my daughters were by the time they were her age. And she's got all that energy. So, I don't know...

Now, when 7 year old moves back to New Orleans, she will be living near the French Quarter and will be in a completely different school district. Hopefully, she will not have the problems she did in her former Louisiana school. But it's going to be some more big changes, and her mother will have to deal with work/child care arrangements.

There had been some talk, instigated by me, of my possibly moving nearby to handle the bulk of after school care. The novelty of living in, or close to, the Quarter was intriguing. But the more I thought about it, the more I didn't think I wanted to do it for a whole year. Now I'm leaning toward looking for a studio apartment for a month or so, just to help with the settling in process.

I'm also not looking forward very much to going up to Carson City right after school finishes, even just for a couple of weeks. I may still have to, especially since I've already mentioned the possibility. But fate does have a way of stepping in, so I'm just going to wait and see what transpires between now and then.

Still, what it all amounts to is...I'm pretty much free to do whatever I want, go wherever I please.

I feel like I will have fulfilled any and all child/elderly care obligations. I did, after all, have my mother for a full year before her stroke. Plus, I've gone up every month since she's been with my sister to give my sister a break for a long weekend. And I can continue to do that, although it will be much more expensive than doing it from here.

One of my options is actually moving in with them. And I may just do that...later. If I do, it will be because of a sense of obligation, to not burden my sister with the whole of my mother's care. On the other hand, I can make a case for being in New Orleans, and everyone in the family will accept that.

But the truth is that, right now, neither of those things is something I would look forward to.

In any case, I want at least a little bit of time to myself. I will have gone from taking care of my mother, to taking care of toddler, to taking care of 7 year old. I don't think anyone will begrudge me at least a couple of months to myself. Right now, those months look like September and October. My birthday is in September, so that will be a nice present to myself.

After that, who knows? I literally don't have a freaking clue as to where I'll be or what I'll be doing. This is the first time in my life that I have ever been in this position. It's very exhilarating. But, in a way, having almost unlimited options is a very real dilemma. I mean, where do you start?

Basically, I've decided that it's too early to make any decisions. I'm going to wait and see how developments unfold, what else life has in store for me, and just make short term decisions over the next few months. I know that, whatever happens, I do have full control over the choices I will make. First, though, I have to see what - if anything - happens to affect my options. Stuff that I might not have any control over. Because, as I'm seeing right now, things can change very quickly.