Self-imposed stress

I've blogged about this before, but today's manifestation was so ludicrous that I just have to publicly confess. I've been dreading today. So, actually, I've been stressing unnecessarily for about a week.

My mother is being discharged from rehab on Saturday and I will be flying her up to my sister's home, where she will be living from now on. I have the greatest admiration for my sister, because she actually wants my mother there with her and is looking forward to having her along at all the activities they both so enjoy. They are both very social, and sociable, and I sincerely hope they will have a very good time together.

Since my sister works full time, and has used up a great deal of her sick/family leave due to my mother's stroke and her own son's bout of pneumonia down here, I am trying to take care of as many of my mother's medical issues as possible. I don't want my sister to have to take more time off from work in order to bring my mother to doctor appointments, because she'll have more than enough to do as it is.

So, I brought my mother to an appointment last week and two today - one this morning and one this afternoon. The one this morning lasted a couple of hours and the one this afternoon lasted a grand total of 5 hours. The one this afternoon also involved shifting her in and out of her wheelchair 3 times. And, of course, it all involved transferring her between the car and the wheelchair several times today.

Let me just say that we are very fortunate that she almost always gets in and out her wheelchair without any difficulty whatsoever. A little bit of shifting, and the thing is done. And just this one skill is like a miracle for us. It means we can take her pretty much anywhere without needing assistance, or buying a special handicapped vehicle. It's not real different from before she had her stroke.

It's just a little different. I do have to help her in and out the wheelchair, so the sweet young women at the various doctor's offices would come and get me whenever she needed to be transferred. It wouldn't take long, maybe a couple of minutes.

And while she was with the doctors...I read...on my Kindle.

I just popped the thing in and out of my handbag, and basically spent the entire day reading in pretty waiting rooms.

So why do I feel like I've been through a freaking wringer?

Everything went smoothly, no complications. One of the doctors didn't quite finish, so we have to go back for about an hour at 8 a.m. tomorrow, but that is not so horrible. We also have another doctor to see at 10:45, but we're done after that.

Just the thought of these two appointments today had me twitchy. Part of it may be the fact that we have very little wiggle room, timewise. It's all gotta get done by Friday.

And, actually, that's not even true. If absolutely necessary, I could take her to appointments Monday through Thursday while I'm up there next week helping her get acclimated.

So WHY????

Why have I been dreading today for the past week? Well, that might have been fear of not getting it all done. Though, as I said, I really had an extra several days to play with - but that would have been just a little bit more complicated.

And why was I so on edge all day, even though everything was going swimmingly?

I wish I knew.

Objectively, there was nothing really stress worthy. Nothing. In and out of car, wheelchair, read for hours at a time in pleasant surroundings. It was a flipping breeze!!!!

But I have been wrapped way too tight all day long, for no good reason. I still am, too. The only thing keeping me together is the realization that this will all be over with a week from tomorrow. I will be back that evening, all of my filial responsibilities completed, including the flight on Saturday. Maybe once every 4 to 6 weeks, I'll go up for a few days so my sister can take off for a long weekend. No problem.

I'm also kind of planning to take my mother back to Louisiana in March to visit her family, but I should be all rested up by then and I'll probably be able to turn her over to my brother for a while. I'm pretty sure he will stress a bit like I do. Fortunately, I believe my sister really doesn't sweat this stuff.

I think, too, it'll be a little easier not having to drive back and forth to see my mother the way I have been while she's been in rehab. Being able to just have a normal routine with just a few alterations related to my mother's mobility issues will not be so exhausting. Plus, she and my mother enjoy a lot of the same things and have more in common.

But the main thing is, I don't think my sister manufactures a great deal of unnecessary stress for herself.

And I wish I didn't either...or that I knew how to stop. Grrrr.