Chaos...Hope it's over soon.

I don't need a lot of physical space. I can be perfectly comfortable spending time in a small room...if it's my small room. If it 's got a decor I can live with, and I've got everything I need in it, I'm good. Whether it's where I'm living, or I'm just passing through, I really don't mind tiny spaces.

What I do need is time to myself. I don't necessarily need to be alone during that time, although I really enjoy wallowing in that whenever I get the chance. But I need time that no one else has a claim on.

For the last three months, my time has been divided between caring for a toddler and caring for my elderly mother. There were very few days, I could count them on one hand, when I did not have to be with one or the other. And there were many, many days when I went from one to the other. This has been a fairly difficult time for me.

I hate to complain about it much, because there was nothing really awful happening. The toddler is really easy to care for, endlessly amusing and I love him dearly. The times with my mother were filled with activities we enjoyed and were grateful she was even able to participate in once more. But I had very little time to myself during these months and I felt myself being stretched thinner and thinner, until I finally snapped a bit.

I've written lately about how I stress out unnecessarily because I dwell too much on what might go wrong. Well, this time, I got tipped over the edge because all kinds of things went wrong. None of them were things I was anticipating, and a lot of things went unbelievably right. But the last several days have been turbulent beyond belief.

First, I picked up my mother Saturday morning to finalize her discharge from rehab and fly her to my sister. The social worker at the rehab facility had been screwing up during the entire last week, making everything much more difficult than it needed to be and everything culminated in my mother being discharged without either a wheelchair or a walker, which was a snafu of epic proportions. So I started off furious about that.

But, the trip went perfectly and we had a lovely weekend. Still, I stewed and stressed over how I was going to have to handle the equipment situation on Monday. I did not want to deal with the social worker any more, because she had messed up every single factor she had any involvement with. So I left a message for the director of the facility at 8:15 Monday morning. She did not get back to me until 4:30 that afternoon. By 2:30, I was so incensed, its a wonder I didn't have a stroke of my own. I faxed a complaint to the State Health Dept.'s Bureau of Quality & Complianced, copied the rehab facility and it's corporate headquarters.

Because of one part of the situation, we needed a new physician for my mother immediately. Against all freaking odds of getting a new patient appointment less than 2 weeks away, we scored one for Tuesday morning. The doctor ordered blood work, which was completed Wednesday morning by 8:30...which had been our appointment time. Yes, we were finished before our appointment time even arrived. After that, we called to ask for a repairman to look at our phone line. He came that afternoon. Unfortunately, he couldn't fix the problem. We called the company who was supposed to finally deliver the walker. He wanted to come that afternoon, but we weren't going to be home. He came the next morning. Unfortunately, once more because of the incompetent social worker, they brought the wrong walker.

We'd think we were catching an incredible break, and sometimes we were, but then things would fall through at the last minute. Up and down, up and down...I've been on an emotional roller coaster and I feel like I've been through the wringer. We got a lot done, but my poor mother still does not have a walker or the motorized wheelchair that she needs to get around on her own. Today, I found out that the rehab facility has misplaced their paperwork for it, and they had submitted an order for the wrong walker. Incompetence squared.

Wednesday morning, I received a call from the Bureau of Quality and Compliance. They were AT the rehab facility. The woman I spoke with said they were going there anyway - have others been complaining? Anyway, she said she saw the fax I'd sent, so she just grabbed it to bring with her. She'd be looking at my mother's chart in detail, but she wanted to touch base with me first. Had our situation been resolved? No, it had not. And it still has not been, close to a week since discharge.

Why does that stupid ass social worker even still have her job?

Anyway, there was much to be done, which is why I arranged to stay for several days. My poor sister just could not afford to take the time off from work that it would have taken her to deal with all this stuff. And we managed to accomplish everything that was within our power, even though some important things were beyond our control. Plus, there were other issues with medication and transportation. And there's so much still left up in the air. If only I could've stayed just one more day. But I couldn't.

Actually, I'm not sure how much we really accomplished. But, still, the steps that needed to be taken were many, and were very time consuming, and I stayed on top of them while I was there. I did all I could, and it was a lot. There is even more I will be dealing with from afar because it can be done by phone, and I am happy to do so. My sister will finish up with the on the spot stuff.

My flight left at 8:25 tonight, but the airport is 45 minutes away from the house. So I had them drop me off right after my sister got off work. About 2.5 hours early. Which brings me full circle to the point at the beginning of the post.

I relished being on my own in unfamiliar surroundings. They were far from any place I particularly wanted to be, and I certainly wasn't alone. But no one else had any claim on my time or attention and I just wandered or stopped whenever I wanted. I enjoyed a very good leisurely dinner, with a nice carafe of wine. Everything about the flight went smoothly, and the drive home was short and uneventful. Loving family greeted me at home and, by then, I was ready to enjoy my time with them. Lots of laughs.

My immediate future holds some obligations that I won't enjoy. But it also holds great gobs of time to myself. A little of it will be all alone, which I'm very much looking forward to. Most of it will be spent among a great many strangers, which won't bother me in the least. I am looking forward seeing some movies, eating out in both new and familiar places, maybe even doing a little shopping - which I usually loathe.

I go back north in February for a weekend. Then, looks like I may be bringing my mother to Louisiana in March to see her family. At that time, hoping to spend some time with my older daughter and 7 yo in New Orleans. My sister and a friend of hers may come along, so it's possible we'll stay in the French Quarter for at least a couple of days. That's as far as I'm looking at this point, but if I make a trip a month, that seems good to me. I'm hoping they won't all be Las Vegas/New Orleans or Vegas/Reno, but it's traveling, and I like to travel. And I like all of those places. I'm just hoping to break out into at least a little something new this year.

But, most of all, I'm looking forward to spending a lot of time with myself. I've missed that so much, and I need it. Finally, for at least the next little while, I'm going to get it.