Giving Thanks...Antisocially

I have an enormous amount of things to give thanks for this year, much of it for blessings received by members of my family.

My mother had a stroke and she's recovering much better than I thought was possible. My older daughter has moved halfway across the country and, while I will miss her and the 6 year old immensely, I am so grateful that she was able to do so because I believe it will be an excellent change for her. My younger daughter seems to be doing quite well working toward personal and professional goals and the 18 month old is a joy.

Even our extended families are fine. All of my mother's 5 siblings and their families, my 2 siblings and their families - everyone seems to be doing okay. And I am very, very thankful for all of that.

Also, I very much enjoy spending time with my family, they're a very fun group.

But I plan to eat my Thanksgiving dinner alone. In a restaurant.

After Halloween, Thanksgiving is my least favorite holiday. I've written about it before, here. But, basically, to me, it involved a lot of food - most of which I never liked much although I do now, a lot of mess and confusion, and too many people crowded around a table.

I began to dislike it more as a grown up because my mother made a huge mess cooking the meal and never cleaned up as she went along, didn't have containers ready for leftovers or room for them in the fridge. The meal, to me, was never anywhere near worth the aftermath. Which is why we - my little nuclear family, of which I was the boss - started eating out on holidays.

And the plan this year was for me, my older daughter and the 6 year old to have dinner out together. But, of course, they are in New Orleans now and I'm not going there for a holiday dinner. Particularly as they are staying with my ex-husband for the time being.

My younger daughter is going to her significant other's family for the holiday, and my mother is going to spend the afternoon - thanks to her much coveted 4 hour pass from the rehab facility - with my sister and her family. At my sister's ex-husband's home. Yes, sometimes we keep people in the family on an unofficial basis.

I am more than welcome to celebrate the holiday at either of those venues.

I just don't want to.

There will be a lot of big males watching football for hours in each location. A lot of food before, during and after THE meal...which means, of course, a lot of mess to clean up. While I enjoy the company of all of the males, I'm not following football this year and I really don't want to deal with any of the mess. And all of the big males, much as I like them, will be squeezed into homes meant for fewer - or smaller - people. It makes me claustrophobic just to think about it.

My daughters understand, but my mother and sister and all of the males will think I'm crazy. Well, most of them think I'm a little odd, anyway, so I'm not going to let that bother me.

I think this is going to be my first stand in "start as you mean to go on".

I'm not going to keep doing things because they fit other people's expectations of how things should be done.

For a long time now, I've been doing stuff like this for my mother's sake, because I felt I owed it to her for all she's done for me for so many years. But what I've been doing for the last year and a half, particularly the last few months, and I what I will continue to do as long as she needs me to do so, I feel has brought us on equal footing.

For something of real importance, I will always be willing to make her happy. But spending several hours in a manner I do not enjoy, for a tradition I do not believe in, is just not important enough. I spend several hours a day with her. Every day. Spending it in a different location is not going to make a difference to anyone.

I will stop in and visit for a bit. Say hi, maybe have a few sips of wine and some laughs. And then leave. After which I will spend the rest of the day however I damn well please.

One of the things I had been giving thanks for on pretty much a daily basis is the freedom I now have. When my mother moved to rehab here several weeks ago, that changed overnight. For the next few days, while my sister is in town, I will be spending very little time at the rehab facility. So I get a long holiday weekend to do with as I please. No commitments from late tomorrow morning to Sunday afternoon.

I happen to be a person who needs a lot of alone time. And, between babysitting and elder care, I haven't been getting nearly enough of it. Now's my chance, and I'm going to take it. Spending more time with my family on a particular day, when I've been spending more than enough time with them every freaking day, just makes no sense to me whatsoever.

I'm looking forward to some relaxing and recharging time, some exploring time and maybe even some productive time. But even if I just veg out completely over the next four days, it's my choice. It might even be exactly what I need to get through the next several weeks, until I get another break at Christmas, when I may actually head out to New Orleans...if I so choose.